In her first heartbreaking interview since the attempt she exclusively revealed how…
- She wrote goodbye letters to her family as she planned how to kill herself.
- Turned to anti-depressants after her year from hell.
- Is living on a strict budget, shopping at high street stores and bargain shops after failing to get any acting work;
- She’s now urging soap bosses to give her a new TV role.
Shameless actress Tina admitted to writing heartbreaking farewell letters to her family as she plotted to end her own life.
“I felt like a burden to everybody so I wrote to everyone to apologise and planned my own funeral,” she said.
Tina, 55, was sacked from her role in the Sleeping Beauty panto in Barrow-in-Furness a few days before Christmas 2017 when cops seized a bag of cocaine from her handbag backstage and arrested her in front of her four-year-old daughter, Flame.
She accepted a caution in a bid to avoid a night in the cells but vehemently denied the drugs were hers.
It followed what Tina described as a “year from hell” in which she has struggled to get acting work, which left her short of cash.
But it was in January she reveals she had a nervous breakdown which saw her plan to end her life. “I planned it,” she admitted.
“I needed this to work. “The panto thing killed me. This has been the worst time in my entire life.
“I’ve been so honest about battles with drink and drugs in the past and for people to lie and say that I was swearing backstage at little kids was just horrifying. It was all lies.
“I believe I was set up. But this is my career. I pride myself on being a great actress. I felt like I’d let everyone around me down and I felt so alone.”
Tina, who also has daughter Danielle, 35, from a previous relationship, admitted to struggling with her mental health over the past year thanks to lack of work and falling out with her closest friends.
She told how she wrote to husband Paul Chase, 35, and her mum at her lowest point, telling them not to let ex-best pals attend her funeral.
She said: “I felt like jumping in front a train and stood there many times. I’d had a falling out with a close friend who had turned to me and said: ‘Stop being a victim, Tina,’ which upset me so much.”
Tina also tells how several national charities severed ties with her after news broke of her cocaine arrest.
“I had one say outright: ‘Thanks but no thanks.’
“The lack of work and purpose is devastating. I had two big shows – Tina Malone: Pregnant At 50 which was nominated for an RTS Award and then I had Tina Malone: My Perfect Body. I had done those and I couldn’t figure how now I was being vilified by everyone.
“I haven’t worked for over 12 months.”
Tina says she would love a part in a soap, especially Coronation Street, Emmerdale or Hollyoaks.
“Shayne Ward’s suicide episodes were incredible. I understood so clearly what his character was going through. I have been in for a general chat with Corrie and I would even take a guest part or one-off.”
Tina was declared bankrupt in 2012 after she admitted to reckless overspending.
“Financially it has been a struggle,” she revealed. “I have had to deal with that.”
Tina, who also starred in Celebrity Big Brother, reveals how she battled back from the brink thanks to her daughter Flame and turning to anti-depressants.
She said: “I didn’t commit suicide because of Flame. She needs me. I looked at her little face and I couldn’t do it to her.
“I went to the doctor and told him everything. I am on Sertraline, but I am coming off it gradually now.”
She’s now on a mission to prove everyone wrong and come back stronger.
“I am more determined than ever to battle back. I will have an acting job before the end of the year.
“Meanwhile, I love teaching drama to my students in Liverpool and Runcorn, who inspire and empower me.
“I realise there are people out there who want to see you fall down and fail. I will come back stronger from this. I have to.”
If you need someone to talk to call Samaritans on 116 123 or email jo@ samaritans.org